"She Believes in ME More than I Do in Myself"

Rosa Lee is depressed. She intended to go to cosmetology school next year "...to make something of myself." Now she is unexpectedly pregnant--and hopeless about her future. Her best friend, Alisha, took the train with Rosa Lee to her first prenatal visit.

Alisha is her oldest friend. They graduated from high school together about the time Alisha had become pregnant. Rosa Lee remembers her own mother declaring that "Nothing good will come of Alisha" when she heard about the pregnancy. But lots of good things have come Alisha's way, and Rosa Lee is proud of her best friend.

Early in her pregnancy Alisha was enrolled in a special program for young, expectant women. She had come to know Ms. Jacobs, a public health nurse with the the Nurse-Family Partnership Program. (http://www.nursefamilypartnership.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=home) Ms. Jacobs visited Alisha at her house throughout her pregnancy and after the baby was born.

Alisha said Ms. Jacobs and she chatted about the expected: taking her vitamins, using no alcohol, and watching for signs of early labor. But there was always something more to talk about. Ms. Jacobs would ask about Alisha's hopes for her child, where she wanted her child to go to school, and how to negotiate some help from the baby's daddy. They talked about how to stop verbal abuse in the household and how to talk about her real feelings with her boyfriend. After the baby was born, Ms. Jacobs continued to visit. Alisha learned how babies talk with their bodies, how some crying is normal, and how to help a baby learn to sleep at night. They worked on a childcare plan that would enable Alisha to attend night school at the local community college. "Sometimes Ms. Jacobs would see "Me" better than I could see myself!" Alisha remarked.

Alisha helped Rosa Lee sign up for the same program. In a brochure Rosa Lee read that moms in this program succeeded in surprising ways. The pamphlet said that these moms had longer intervals between the birth of their first and their second child, spent less time on welfare and using food stamps, and got along better with the baby's daddy. It even said these kids did better in school later in life. Rosa Lee loved hearing that!

Rosa Lee felt the baby kick for the first time last week. Being a mom seems more real to her now. She tells Alisha that "You and my nurse seem to think I'll be a good mom... and I'm beginning to believe that myself!"

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/abstract/120/4/e832?etoc

My Baby called her Childcare Teacher "Mommy!"

This message is left on my voicemail from Lily, the mother of twelve-month-old, Mary Kay: "I have a baby question for you. Mary Kay has just started to really talk in the past few weeks. She can say 'Mommmy.' But yesterday, she called her childcare teacher 'Mommy!' Could she be confused about who her real mommy is?"

I continue to be surprised by how much families say about themselves on a simple voicemail.

This young mother's question expresses a common and stressful reality in the life of a working mother. She is jealous of times when others care for her baby. In addition, she worries that the closeness her daughter feels to the childcare teacher will take away from the closeness she feels to her mom.

Of course, the first need here is some basic information on child development. A baby's first use of words "Mommy" and "Daddy" are important previews of language to come. However, at this point they acknowledge the baby's grasp of the concept that sounds she can make connect to the world around her. It will be several months before "Mommy" will be specific for her mom. She will learn another sound for her teacher's name. Mom can rejoice that Mary Kay's use of this word indicates a brain bubbling with growth and development.

Next, Mom needs to know that babies who feel secure and loved throughout the day are developing the building blocks of good self-esteem and emotional competency. Again, Mom can rejoice in the attachment she sees between Mary Kay and her caregiver.

However, it is important for the teacher to be aware of this normal, and expected jealously, and to consider what her role might be in supporting the developing parent-child relationship. Imagine the impact of the childcare teacher's saying instead, "I could tell Mary Kay was thinking about you all day 'cause she kept saying 'Mommy.'" Lily would have beamed with delight instead of feeling worried and left out.

My older son is 25 years old. I still remember how sad I was when one day his childcare teacher claimed to have seen him pump on the swing for the first time. How could I have missed this important event?! "Looks like he's getting ready to pump" would have sent me home to a fun evening on the playground to catch this next "first" in my little one's life!

Lily seems relieved after our brief conversation. At our next well child visit she shares that Mary Kay now "calls me, and only ME,'Mommy'!"

Making Music with Babies

Dianne held her baby and swayed back and forth. She hesitated, moved, bounced, and wiggled as she listened to the music. No one watching would ever have imagined that music was playing. Dianne called herself “musically disabled” and I guess Erin agreed.

Erin teaches Baby Beethoven Classes and has weekly classes filled with energetic new moms who want to offer only the best to their babies. (www.welcome.to/erinpianostudio) They listen to music, learn songs for children, and discover toys and games from all over the world of music.

Mothers vary in their reasons for coming to class. Some love the company of other moms; others love music and can’t wait to have it be a part of their baby’s life. Some, like Dianne, hope that her “bad ear” has not been inherited by her daughter!

Lovely research has been done on a baby’s ability to hear. According to the results of a small UK study, children recognize and prefer music they were exposed to in the womb for at least a year after they are born. Most newborns will turn in the direction of sound, and by four months of age will reach for a musical toy even with the lights off. Newborns prefer music over noise. By six months they show a preference for music with common chords over uncommon ones. 2005 research from Cornell University showed that six-month-old babies could appreciate subtle variations in complex rhythm patterns of Balkan folkdance tunes as easily as can adult Bulgarian and Macedonian immigrants. Babies appreciate the feelings behind music too, as demonstrated by research with 6- to 10-month-olds who showed different responses to “sad” versus “happy” music.

Experts recommend the obvious: Sing and play music for a baby even in utero, make music a part of everyday life, clap baby’s hands to simple songs, and dance along.

Dianne has got the right idea. Making music a fun part of her daughter’s life will certainly enrich the life her daughter lives. "Maybe I'll even learn to dance on beat!" she laughs as she swirls her little one around the room.

Making a Difference - One Baby at a Time

Tara, the public health nurse, arrived for her first home visit with Sherri, a brand new mom. Sherri is 21 years old, lives with her parents, and is a new single mom. Her baby was born full term and healthy. Sherri claims to "know nothing about babies" but glows with that enthusiasm (and rush of adrenalin) mother nature bestows on new parents.

Tara glances down at her forms from the health department. Wow, there is so much that could be covered at this important first visit. Do you have enough oil for your furnace? Do you know about back-to-sleep? Did you start your birth control pills? Did you know that babies can see your face? Tara's head spins as she wonders where to start.

Last week Tara completed The HUG continuing education class at her health department and is excited to integrate this information into her already busy schedule. She remembers that the teacher, Jan, said, "If you ever feel confused about what to do next, just See and Share." Jan explained that Seeing the baby's behavior and Sharing that behavior with parents can create an important connection with new parents.

But first, Tara must "See". She worked hard at the workshop to gain new knowledge and skills in observing and interacting with newborns. She glances over at Sherri's son, Freddie, and remarks, "Oh, I see he's in the Ready Zone. He looks ready to play with us."

Tara's right. Freddie's eyes are bright, his body is rather still, and his breathing is calm and regular. As his mother reaches for her Diet Coke, Freddie follows her with his eyes.

"Oh, I see that he is watching you right now," Tara exclaims. Sherri notices what Tara means and quickly joins the game. She tilts her head slowly in the other direction, and Freddie tracks right after her. "You nosey little man!" Sherri laughs as she picks up her son.

About that time Tara notices Freddie start to change. His eyes drift down, away from his mother's face, and he gets a bit pale. His chin tremors and his body stiffens a bit. "Oh, do you think I've bored him already?" Sherri asks.

But Tara is quick to remember what she just learned from class. "Oh, no," she gently explains. "Freddie is just showing a little SOS, or Sign of Over-Stimulation. That's really normal for new babies. Hey, let's swaddle him a minute and see what happens."

Sherri had become an expert on swaddling in the hospital, so she confidently wraps her little one up. She is surprised to see that in this swaddled position, Freddie is able to look back toward his mother; he even turns in her direction when she whispers his name.

"Wow, you're so smart! I'm going to take take super-good care of you!" she giggles. Sherri cuddles her baby as Tara covers a few of the important questions on her form. Seeing and Sharing this baby's behavior created that kind of teachable moment that every nurse longs for!

The Tug-of-War for Adopting Parents

A mother of a newly adopted baby shares this heart-touching response to the blog "A Tug-of-War between Mom and Dad" see:

"My husband and I are experiencing this tug-of-war with our newly adopted 3-month-old son. Seeing his mother with our son really sent me through the roof because it's her first grandchild, and she is really going overboard with it all -- my parents are cool and just go with the flow of it, while his mother is trying so hard to "mark" him as her grandson. However, I didn't expect for there to be competition between my husband and me. Of course things were exacerbated with his mother's visit, and since he was able to take off more time to be with our new son than I was, I feel like our son's face really lights up when he hears his dad's voice or sees him. Everyone says he does the same with me, but I see an extra sparkle when dad's around. We even fight over who gets to push the stroller because that person will get the direct eye contact. My husband is definitely a stroller hog. Sounds pathetic, right?!?"

The normal tug-of-war between newly adopting parents sometimes may be more intense than with birth parents -- and for very good reasons. Pregnancy not only allows a fetus to develop but also allows time for a parent to develop! As the body expands, the view of oneself as a parent can grow. Adopting parents do not have the advantage of nine months of parental gestation.

Most adopting parents have conceived and lost a baby a number of times before a successful adoption occurs. Perhaps the loss was an actual miscarriage. Or, perhaps the loss was the hope that "this month will be it" -- only to see a period two weeks later. By the time the process of adoption unfolds, some couples have learned to hold back on their hopes for fear of being hurt yet again. It often is not until their baby is safe in their arms, that adopting parents permit themselves to begin the process of seeing themselves as parents.

Not only may adopting parents begin parenting without time to discover their parent self, they may also enter parenthood with significant grief not far behind.

Adopting parents may be surprised to sense some sadness lurking below the surface of their joy. Once they finally have a baby, they may feel that it is inappropriate to acknowledge the sadness they endured in order to get the baby they now hold so dearly. But a friend, a health care provider, or a counsellor may help such parents move forward by briefly recognizing what occurred before this beautiful, new baby actually arrived. A father may have never shared his sense of loss in hopes of protecting his wife from further sadness. A wife may be tired of the depression which followed her losses. The couple may need a special nudge to recognize these feelings now.

In addition, these parents, like all new parents, now must deal with the surprising reality of parenthood. Though most new parents are ambivalent about any negative feelings around life with their new baby, adpoting parents may feel even more guilty expressing how tired and irritated they may be feeling these days.

I sit in the room with a mother and father in just this situation. I compliment the couple on the loving way they hold and speak to their new baby, and then I ask them to tell me about their experiences over the past few years. We chat about the details of their losses as well as the great joy and relief they now feel. As each detail is shared, I sense a cloud lifting from over these young parents. Mom tears up one last time, remembering the sad days she has experienced. Then she snuggles into the soft neck of her baby as dad give his wife a gentle hug.

With the sadness they have known acknowledged and behind them, these parents jump "gung ho" into this current tug-of-war. I love to hear their story of fighting over who gets to push the stroller! "Draw straws if you must!" I exclaim. "This tug-of war is good for you, and for your baby! Your struggles just shows how very much you love this baby. What a lucky baby you have!"

"I Love But Do Not Like My Baby!"

I was rather shocked by the perspective of the young mother referred by my colleague, Gale. "Gale thought you could help me out," the young woman explains.

Eli was Samantha's second baby. He was a planned child, born healthy and full term. Labor and delivery had gone well, breastfeeding was successful, and Mom had two months of maternity leave. What could be that wrong? I wonder.

"He fusses all the time!" Samantha explains as she lays the baby on the exam table. "See, like now! Hear him making all those grumpy sounds!"

Eli is a robust, wide-eyed six-week-old. He is very busy in his movements as he wiggles and squirms on the exam table. His level of activity is a wonder to behold. He seems to wind up a second, then one arm shoots out to the side, both legs kick upward, and he arches his back. He is also very busy with his vocalizing—a grunt here, a groan there, or was that a coo? The activity and sounds coming from his cute little body are normal and even entertaining to me. But his activity level and his vocalizing seem to be off-putting to his mother who thinks Eli is fussing all the time.

"See Sarah there," Samantha says as she points to her four-year-old daughter coloring peacefully on the floor at our feet. "She is so calm and easy to be around. Both my husband and I had alcoholic parents, and we promised each other that we would have a peaceful household. But Eli just keeps on fussing," the new mother remarks as she hands me her baby.

What an opportunity and a challenge this moment is! Can I help this mother see her son through a different lens? As usual, when I feel challenged by a patient encounter, I simply report to the parent on the behavior of the baby (a technique well described by Dr. T. Berry Brazelton). I demonstrate Eli's normal reflexes and get excited when he brings his hand to his mouth and begins to calm down. I pick up the end of my red stethoscope and engage the baby in a little game of following its movement with his eyes. Of course, I finish with the grand finale of having the mother call out the baby's name. Eli hesitates only a moment before he turns toward his mother and—I believe he actually gives her a wink!

Samantha giggles and scoops up the baby from my arms as I discuss this high, but normal, level of activity and vocalizing. We talk about how each baby has a special temperament and style, right from birth. "His body activity and enjoyment of vocalizing are part of Eli's inborn personality," I explain. Mom smiles as she gives him a hug. “I guess he’s just a real go-getter,” she responds.

Eli is three years old now. Every time he and his family come to the clinic to see Gale, they stop by and say hello to me. "Eli's not really fussy anymore," Samantha explains. "But he's still a busy and noisy little guy!" Eli runs down the hall ahead of his mom who laughs out loud as his sister squeals in his pursuit!

"I worry all the time!" Mom says

Janine held her two-month-old as we spoke. Her arms were a bit stiff, and she looked uncomfortable. As little Johnnie looked up at his mom a smile began to spread across his face. Mom didn’t notice. She aims to keep Johnnie on a very rigid eating and sleeping schedule and describes how upset she becomes when her son doesn’t comply. She reads everything she can find on the Internet about baby care and is distressed because one person’s advise contradicts another’s.

Mom’s looked to me for reassurance, asking, “Are you sure he is growing ok?” Though Johnnie’s regular eating habits, his “output” (pees and poops), and his growth chart demonstrate a child who is growing well, Janine cannot be confident he is doing well.

Janine loves her baby deeply, but she is one of the 10% of postpartum mothers who suffers from postpartum depression.

Depression can present two ways in a new mother. Typically parents think of the “Baby Blues:” a mother who continues to be emotionally tender and tearful even after the first week of her child’s birth.

But Janine demonstrates the other face of postpartum depression: the hyper-vigilant mother who worries all the time. New parents normally present greater-than-usual vigor and intensity as they struggle with their early days of parenting, but a depressed mom cannot be reassured by those who are ready to help and give guidance. She finds very little joy in the job of parenting—and sleeps and eats poorly, even though her baby may do both well.

Postpartum depression research by Dr. Ed Tronick from Harvard University has identified behavioral changes in two-month-olds whose mother is depressed. While parenting has been described as a dance between a parent and a baby (a parent reaching out to understand and care for a baby, and a baby seeking care from a parent), the hyper-vigilant, depressed mother has difficulty participating in the dance. She doesn’t seem to see her baby’s efforts to connect with her, and she attempts to interact when the baby is shut down and unavailable. In this mother-baby dance, the partners are constantly stepping on each other’s toes!

Janine now understands what postpartum depression is, and she sees that without help she is putting both herself and her baby at risk. During the past month Janine has accepted both counseling and medication and now is smiling more. At Johnnie’s four-month-old visit with me, Janine is distracted when her baby starts to giggle. I’m happy to feel like an outsider for a moment as this “dance couple” linger in one another’s gaze.

"My Baby Doesn't Like My Milk!"

"Diane doesn't like my milk!" the young mother declared. "It must not be strong enough for her. I guess it's time for formula."

Her words were a surprise to me. Three-week-old Diane had regained her birth weight in just ten days and was growing at a great, 1/2-ounce-a-day clip. I could see her cheeks beginning to fill out, and she was "filling" her diapers with gusto. Why did this mother think that her breastfeeding was going poorly?

"She just doesn't seem satisfied," Diane's mother said. "Diane doesn't act like she's happy."

As a lactation specialist, I am trained to note weight gain, to identify the sound of milk being swallowed, and to document the number of wet and stooled diapers. Hearing this mother, my suspicion was that Diane's mom was responding to non-feeding infant behavior and projecting those concerns onto her breastfeeding experience.

In addition to noticing the physical signs of breastfeeding success listed above, I also am aware that research shows that a mother will see her baby as "satisfied" when she observes particular newborn behaviors. She wants to see her baby become alert and gaze deeply into her eyes. She wants to calm her baby effectively and doesn't want her baby to appear irritable or difficult to console. Mom wants to enjoy cuddling with her baby and to know that her baby likes to cuddle right back.

Understanding this, I picked up the baby to play some newborn "games." First I swaddled Diane to bring out the best in her ability to play. Next, I swayed Diane gently until her eyes became bright and alert. Then I shook a rattle and watched as Diane followed the toy intently with her eyes. She watched closely as I moved the rattle without a sound. Diane's mom giggled and glowed with the words, "She's really smart, I guess!" With my encouragement the young mother called her baby's name. Diane turned slowly in her mom's direction. With a big grin the mother lifted the baby from my hands and snuggled her face into the crease of the baby's soft neck. One of mom's hands went to her breast to suppress the unexpected let down of milk.

Now Diane's mom is a breastfeeding star and an advocate for other new moms. She comes to our breastfeeding class to discuss the challenges and joys of breastfeeding. "Babies are little people who have special ways of communicating," she says. "Don't just count their pees. Learn to speak their language, and you'll soon know how much they love your milk!"

A Tug-of-War between Mom and Dad!

Eight-day-old Tabitha is calm at the beginning of her visit with me, but as I undress her she starts to rev up. At first her hands shake, then her chin trembles and her face gets red. Her face now "clouds over" and suddenly she starts to cry.[learn about signs of over-stimulation at http://www.hugyourbaby.com/skills.html] I lean over Tabitha and softly call out her name. "Tabitha can you calm yourself down?" The baby clearly hesitates a moment when she hears my voice but then starts to cry again.

I finish the undressing and lay her back down on the table to listen to her heart sounds. She clouds over again when the stethoscope touches her chest, and once again begins again to cry. Dad scoops her up in his arms just as Mom mimics my earlier action by leaning forward to softly call her baby's name. I am witnessing one of the lovely adventures of early parenthood, the tug-of-war between parents who both are wanting so passionately to bond for their new baby.

Dad rocks her a moment which clearly comforts the baby, while mom presses on with her insistent, soft, sing-songly voice. Dad finally sighs with a smile as he hands the baby carefully over to his wife's arms. "Mom always has that magic touch."

Today's fathers are often (and preferably) involved in the decision to plan a baby, participate in the OB visit, help select the baby's new doctor, and often attend the well baby visits. Expectant parents anticipate that they will feel some competition with the mother-in-law who arrives at the child's birth, the older sister who stays a week to help out, or the doula who shows up for a shift or two. But as new parents they do not expect to feel competition between one another as they strive to care for their baby.

Research on new parenthood suggest that this competition is normal and, in fact, can fuel the attachment process of a parent to his/her child. However, if these feelings are not understood and appreciated for what they contribute to the developing parent-child relationship, such competition can undermine the parent's relationship with one another.

"I love to see you both working so hard to get to know and to care for your new baby," I say. "Some new parents even confess to a little competition with each other during the first few days of their baby's life."

Dad jokingly "complains" that "Mom has the breast which always trump what I can do!" But Mom quickly explains that "But Dad can swaddle and comfort Tabitha like nobody else!" Knowing this struggle is normal and healthy can actually bring couples closer together in these first precious days.

Babies quickly learn to attach to both parents and by their behavior "say" I know the difference between mom and Dad. [See the HUG blog: "Moms and Dads can be really different." Jan. 21, 2008] How lucky is any newborn whose parents finds themselves in this tug-of-war (with themselves and each other) to be the best parent they can each be!

"Will I be a Good Mother?"

They are very round!

That’s what I always think when I’m teaching my class, “Understanding Your Newborn,” to twenty very pregnant ladies and their husbands. It’s such a fun class. Parents-to-be are very motivated. They absorb information like sponges .

Mary Lou, a 32 years-old, is expecting her first baby. She had an appointment to see me right after the class. She came to hear about our well-child program and how I could care for her baby when he came.

Though relieved to know that this support was available, Mary Lou still looked troubled. She asked, “One more question: Should I wake the baby up to eat at night, or should I let her sleep?” Mary Lou went on to explain that she had read about the importance of making sure a newborn eats every three hours. “But my friend dressed me down. She has two babies and said, ‘You never wake up a sleeping baby.’ How am I supposed to know what do do?”

Mary Lou looked on the verge of tears. Her strong feelings seemed to be bigger than the question she was asking. Then I “GOT IT!” Mary’s words were actually saying: “Don’t your see? I am worried I won’t be a good mom, maybe not even a good enough mom!”

All new mothers worry that they are not ready for the job. But some worry can actually be the fuel to energize new parents to figure out how to be the parent they need and want to be. Feelings of insecurity are just part of the job description! “Your question, Mary Lou, tells me just what a great mom you will be. You already care so deeply about your baby and only want to do what’s best.” I go on to explain that together we will watch her baby and learn from him what will work best. “Your baby will be your greatest teacher!”

As I prepare to go home this evening, I marvel again that I’m actually paid to do this job! What a joy it is to support people at this important and vulnerable time in their lives. I remind myself again that often my job is not to answer parents' questions but to help them discover the answers themselves. By this process, new parents will discover their own strengths--and learn to trust their own eyes, their own hearts, and their own minds as they grow to understand and care for their newborn!

A Soldier Helps New Fathers!

I admit I was suspicious when I saw that a man was listed as a speaker at the "Art of Breastfeeding" conference. He is not only a Certified Nurse Midwife but also a lactation consultant! And he does it all for the US Army.

Maj. Jarold Johnston was an inspiration as he described his philosophy and the techniques he uses to get dads-to-be to participate fully in the breastfeeding experience. "Sometimes it helps that I'm a soldier. I just tell the dads: 'Moms have a job, babies have a job, and dads have a job too. Get on with it!'"

Maj. Johnston believes that his job as a breastfeeding expert is to teach dads to be the in-home expert. "Dads have a good vantage point. The new mom is looking down at her breast and the baby, but the dad can see the mom's nipple, the baby's chin, the baby's cheeks from the side, the bottom, or the top - whatever it takes." "Most Army guys are mechanically inclined," he explains. "They like the challenge of figuring out the mechanics of what's working or not."

Mothers love the help. Dads might get good at changing diapers, but a "breastfeeding dad" has more important things to do! "Besides," Major Johnston says, "I tell them the truth - a successful breastfeeding mom resumes sexual activity quicker than do bottle-feeding moms...Yep - even the 82nd Airborne is on board now!"

For Crying out loud!

Tonya remembers the images she had of what it would be like to be a mom: the glow of a soft nightlight, the smell of baby lotion, the feel of a warm cuddle, and the sound of gentle cooing. She did not imagine the glare of bright lights as she searches for the "butt cream," the smell of the diaper pail she was too tired to empty, the feeling of full breasts, or the endless (or so it seems!) crying of her baby.

All babies cry, and maybe you've discovered that most new mommies cry as well! Crying is communication. Newborns begin to increase their amount of crying at around two weeks of age, and the time they spend crying peaks by six weeks. Colic is defined as crying for more than three hours a day, for at least three days a week, for at least three weeks. That's a lot of tears! Though the cause of colic is still not understood, recent research shows that smoking during pregnancy increases the risk of colic. (http://www.erikson.edu/media.asp?file=releasefussy)

Jamal is an intense, robust young fellow. When he cries, he is serious about it! He flails around and won't put up with swaddling. After being fed and changed, he is calmed only by a vigourous sway. He likes the swing, and he's fond of a car ride, a stroll around the block, or dancing with Dad. It takes a lot of stimulation to keep him calm.

On the other hand, Reggie seems especially sensitive to the world around him. A loud sound or even the movement of a diaper change rattles him. He needs to suck his paci and close his eyes (as if to shut out the whole world!) before he can calm down. His parents discover that swaddling and holding his hands against his chest help him. Being carried in a baby sling or cuddling on the couch with Mom helps too.

Parents struggle to learn what works best for their baby. Research (by Bell and Ainsworth) shows that when mothers give an early and more nurturing response to their crying babies during the first year of their lives, those babies criy less the second year of their life. Their mother's prompt response seems to increase attachment and to enhance the child's sense of security.

Though crying is a challenge for all parents, for some it triggers a frightening reaction. Mothers experiencing post-partum depression, parents lacking good social support, and all families struggling with substance abuse issues are at risk for letting their feelings fly out of control. These parents need special help.

Ask for help: a neighbor to stroll the baby while you take a quick nap, a huband or friend to take the baby to the store for some diapers while you soak in the tub, a grandma to show you what trick worked best when you were a baby. (See http://www.hugyourbaby.com/calming.html) Soon you will be able to tell his tired, from his mad, from his hungry cry-- and know what works best for your baby, and for you.